Saturday, January 10, 2009

My head

So, as a follow up to the last blog... I went back to the ophthalmologist today. She did some more tests, dilated my eyes... The optic nerve is inflamed. Based on that and a few other symptoms, she felt that it would be best for me to consult w/ a neuro-ophthalmologist.
When I asked her what she thought, she said that she felt that it would be best to rule out some of the biggies.

Before I move on to the biggies. Let's focus on the small stuff. The least worrisome thing this could be is an idiopathy. Meaning a set of symptoms that don't lead to anything and aren't related or caused by anything, it is just a sudden onset of symptoms that will go away over a couple months of time. Which, in all honesty, if it is that, I'll be the happiest camper ever. Granted, I'll be dealing w/ blurred vision in my left eye and horrible pain for a couple of months, but compared to what else it could be....

So here we go onto the rest. First, it could be fluid build-up causing pressure on my brain, which in turn is causing inflammation to the optic nerve.
If it isn't that, it could be a mass behind my eye on the frontal lobe of my brain. By mass, she meant tumor. Cancerous or not, she couldn't say. But if the MRI shows a mass, the next step would be to biopsy it. Hello, oncology!
The one thing I never in a million years would have thought this could be was the very next thing she said. Multiple sclerosis.
She seemed to latch on to that one more than the rest. And that is the one that scares me more than the rest. There is NO KNOWN CURE for MS. So yeah, I'm scared now.

She really didn't give me any more hope for anything else. It seems like this could be nothing or it can be SOMETHING BIG. No in between there. No infections, no simple diagnosis followed by simple treatment and live happily ever after.

And who knows, maybe there are other things it could be. Maybe there are some things hiding that the neuro-ophthalmologist will find that will change everyone's course of thinking. I don't know. I'm trying to be positive, really, I am. However, I can't help but prepare myself for the worse.
And I don't want to hear it'll be nothing from everyone. I don't know I could handle everyone in the world telling me it's nothing so much so that I believe it and it ends up being something. I need your prayers and support, that's all. And if you don't believe in God, then cross your fingers for me ok? Whatever this is, it will be fixed. I'm not ready to leave this world. I've got too much baking left to do..


Cynthia said...

Niki, I've got you in my prayers and thoughts on this one. Stay positive my lovely!

Anonymous said...

It will be ok, I just know it.
Please try not to worry. You are in my thoughts and prayers for sure! Stay strong.

Anonymous said...

Niki, Its alex, char gave me her name so i could read your thread. Please text me or call me, i sent you 20 texts lol , dont worry. Youre lucky you have a good foundation here and I have excellent dr's to send you to for the best care!
My neuro-op is the greatest dr ive ever been to. not only is he an excellent neuro but all around doc.
text if you dont wanna talk, but if anyone understands, please know it is me. I think you're already on the road ro recovery and if you get a minute google " papilledema" which is the swelling on your optic nerve and then google" pseudo tumor cerebri" also called " idiopathic intracranial hypertention" everything will make sense, specially the debilitation headaches, which ironically are not migraines. Just high pressure within the head.

love ya =)

Ivy said...

Sorry to hear what you are going through. I just read your previous post as well. Hope this will pass and you will get well soon.